Loss

I live with a certain amount of clutter. Having worked in media for years, so much of it is on VHS or dvd. Do I convert it or let it go?

Move forward or archive the past?

When it feels like the walls are closing in

I’m going to paraphrase Nadia Bolz-Weber here:

Remember that millions of human beings throughout history have lived through worse political situations and still managed to make art, and find joy, and share meals and resist despair.

Toymachine

I saw a Toymachine bumper sticker yesterday. I had forgotten how much I liked their Tallly Ho. Maybe I’d forgotten the connection to Ed Templeton? Maybe I never knew and liked both entities independently.

Ron Tammen

I had the same penpal for 35 years. He was a kind soul with a foul mouth named Brian. His Grandmother called him Brine and when she passed away, I started calling him by the same name. We met on a Project Close UP trip in Washington DC.

In high school, I was pretty caught up in the web of romantic intrigues so it took me quite awhile to realize that a boy writing me long letters on a regular basis wasn’t rooted in romance. I blame teen romance novels for this skewed worldview (I’m open to a class-action lawsuit, if anyone is interested). Luckily, I didn’t let my idiotic mindset keep me from staying in touch with him. Handwritten letters turned into emails in 2001 and we wrote to each other consistently until his death this Spring. We talked about dating, politics, religion and unsolved mysteries like Ron Tammen. It’s a very strange thing to be connected to someone in only one way — Brian didn’t do any social media that I know of so I only knew something was wrong because our communication ceased.

I have 580 emails from him and dozens of letters. I realized (in a foggy state) that his words are my words now. There will be no more transmissions from the young man from Alaska with the low voice and the big smile.

I’m sorry I didn’t write more.

dreams from future media

I’ve always been a little skeptical of the originality of my dreams. I have a pet theory that they are crafted out of tv shows from the future. We perceive time as linear but what if I’m pulling material from tv shows I’ve watched in what I perceive to be the future?

Security Camera

Memories are so strange. I wonder if younger people remember their past differently because of the proliferation of imagery they consume? Do they remember imagery differently than I do, in picture form, because that is the way that our past has been presented to us? Can you remember gestures and movement or impressions? How did the existence of photography alter people’s memories? Do my sons remember the past in motion?

Visual literacy

Once upon a time, I taught visual literacy for a couple years. The concepts were deceptively simple: how people read pages, where your eye is drawn, how memory effects image processing. We talked about picture books a lot which was really fun and prompted cool discussions.

It’s easy to say the words, your memories affect the way you process visual information but it’s so much larger than that. It ripples over everything. If you’re pushing a stroller, trash cans on the sidewalk catch your eye. If you’re worried about the weather, you look up at the sky. If you’re grieving, you notice the signs of funeral homes.

Falling

I did a series of painting of people falling. Technically jumping as a lot of them were of people cliff diving. But, underneath it all, are the images of people jumping from windows on 9/11. I don’t really have the right words and I don’t think that’s necessary. Sometimes, letting things echo is better than speaking.

marks

My friend recently if I knew how to draw. It was a strange question that I’ve never been asked before. People that know me have seen me leave pictures here and there. If they know me better, they have probably seen me draw or drawn with me. It’s something I do a lot.

Anyway, I’m going to scan some old slides and some new drawings.

Adaptive behavior

I love the St. Louis City Museum. For the first 1/2 hour, it’s overwhelming but then you just start climbing in everything you see.

Oh, a hole in the floor? Sure, let’s see what’s in there.

Brutal

I’m so smitten with Crosley Tower. I probably take a picture of it twice a week ♥️

Connie

For lack of better ideas, I posted the entirety of Connie Allbright online. At some point, I had made a 365 day version of it. Maybe it was better but I doubt it.

well, that was different

Slamdance was my first big film festival. I learned a lot but I’m not sure any of it will help me be less nervous in the future.

Sure, I talk / lecture students all the time but talking to adults (who may or may not have paid to see your film) is a different matter. The contrast on my projection was too bright so I’m not sure if I remember if anyone clapped or made appropriate sounds.

Garish

Sometimes all the colors look right together.  

We were playing with Playdoh today, for what felt like 20 hours, when I noticed a patch that looked like a sunset.  I know if I try to put those colors together on my own, it will never look quite as perfect as our pretend Playdoh road for dinosaurs going to school.  But I will try.

Make Believe

Thinking of Georges Méliès because Google told me to.

Over the years, I have taken the equivalent of 3 years of French.  I never got very far.  Basic verbs and pronouns were enough of a challenge.  I could never pull off the accent.  My husband has an OK accent - about as good as my accent inside my head.  

I like to pretend I can understand some French in films but I really just enjoy reading subtitles.  So listening to the round, full accent in Trip to the Moon by Georges Méliès is a treat. I can pretend I'm like the narrator, able to bust into French at the drop of a hat.  

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9hvDt7fGtsk

Nothing Blue

I think of my newest project as an old project.  I worked on it off and on for 7 years.  It took a long time for me to realize what the pieces were and what they meant.  I thought there were pieces missing until just recently.

The narrative framework mirrors Chris Marker's Sans Soleil - a woman's voice reading a letter.  The references to Jupiter reflect my interest in The Toynbee Tiles's writings about the resurrecting the dead on Jupiter.  Nothing Blue is a transmission from a place of loneliness, a hopeful message in a bottle.  It is about leaving the sturdy framework of a lifelong relationship.  

Wanting the viewer to see Jupiter but only seeing blue reminds me of the opening sequence of Sans Soleil where Marker's narrator says:
The first image he told me about was of three children on a road in Iceland, in 1965. He said that for him it was the image of happiness and also that he had tried several times to link it to other images, but it never worked. He wrote me: one day I'll have to put it all alone at the beginning of a film with a long piece of black leader; if they don't see happiness in the picture, at least they'll see the black.